Disappointed

I debated a long time over whether or not I would post this.

I always tend to write about the happy moments but hardly ever about the hard ones.

I want my children to remember the good and not focus on the negative - or at least try.

This past weekend we went to Montpellier {over three hours away} to celebrate Nathan's birthday at his favorite restaurants.

Maybe my first mistake was building it all up in my head.  I wanted it to be so special for him.  I wanted to make up for the lack of planning and organization on my part.  I wanted to make up for not being the kind of mother that can throw a fantastic birthday party with homemade baked goods and crafts.  Maybe I just felt too guilty and put way too much pressure on this event.

The night actually started out pretty well.  Nathan was loving the pirates - the boats - all of it.

He was so excited that they were going to sing for his birthday.  It was a Friday night though, and the restaurant was crazy busy - so busy that they forgot to sing when the brought out the desserts.

We were all a little bit devastated.  We had been there way too long and it was way past everyone's bedtime.  Trying to make up for it all - they brought out just the sparkler and stuck it on Nathan's dessert while they sang "Happy Birthday".

Then it happened - the bad parenting moment of the night - Nathan grabbed the sparkler and burned his hand.

Tears and chaos ensued.  It was all a big disaster.

He only wanted to be held by me - and the night was far from over.

Somehow between the logistics of paying and having to go back to the hotel - I finally snapped.  Over exhausted with a wounded, whiny and crying toddler and infant - I cracked.  I yelled at Nathan - snapping at how I couldn't believe he had grabbed the sparkler.

Not my proudest mommy moment.  My little {not yet three year old} boy needed comfort from me and I didn't have it to give.


Sometimes just thinking about it all brings up the the tears all over again.  I can't help but wonder if this is what his first memory will be?  His mother not being there for him when he needed; and on his birthday celebration of all nights.

He woke up fine and had nothing on his hand.  He was full of kisses and smiles like always.  I, on the other hand, am still burned.

Have you ever cracked?

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31 comments:

Adrienne said...

oh my...there's so much here. {first, let me say that I'm sorry I haven't been commenting more - work has been insane and I've had more out of work stuff going on...will catch up, I promise!} We've all had those nights and those moments. There are few things more deflating than hoping something for our kids - trying to create something wonderful for them - and having it fall flat or having them not end up caring about it (tough skinned teens do this. A lot.)...I will tell you, from the view point of a mom who can look back over it all, that it's the individual incidents that shape them, but the feeling of the day to day. And from early, it's nice to know that mistakes can be made - by anyone in the family, and forgiveness, resolution, healing, moving on are HUGE lessons that can never happen if we don't mess up and model fixing it up!! HUGS!

Natalie said...

We have all been there...don't be so hard on yourself. It always happen too when we've built up these unrealistic crazy expectations.

Corinna said...

Poor little guy! I'm sure he has already forgotten it.

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Little boys are going to get hurt. Even when you're right there. We had a burn this weekend too (wood stove) and both Paul and I were right there AND had just told the kids not to touch it. Ours involved a trip to the doctor because it was so blistered, and while I didn't snap at the one who got burned, I totally snapped at my husband (for trying to put ice on it instead of running water when I told him ice would make it worse). Anyhow, in stressful times you just do the best you can. I am so glad Nathan is fine, and no doubt you will remember the incident years and years after he's long forgotten it. The curse of mom guilt!

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

All that stress and disappointment just built up until you needed to release it. Everyone makes mistakes like that and we just move past them and do our best. It's ok; you're still a wonderful mom and the fact he woke up all smiles and happiness shows he'd forgotten all about it already!

Amanda said...

Oh Barbara, please don't beat yourself up over this. It happens. You are definitely not the first to have this happen, and certainly not the last. The fact that you are so upset over it means you will find ways to try to avoid this happening again. Which is great. But the truth is, it will probably happen again, and that's okay. The best we can do is think about it, strategize how to avoid it, and apologize to our kids when it does happen. We do our best to model the behaviour we want them to exhibit, but sometimes, it all comes to a breaking point and spills out. We are human, after all.

JDaniel4's Mom said...

At the end of a long day when I am crabby and JDaniel is fussy, I have been know to snap and then hug him forever.

Ali - My Suitcase Full of Tricks said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. We all have days like that. I snap all the time (this should come as no surprise to you), but at the end of the day they know Mommy still loves them. So glad his hand was OK.

Liene said...

Hey, his hand is ok and he'll be fine - you are a great mom and dont you forget it!

Leslie said...

First off, don’t beat yourself up too much. Every mother snaps sometimes. I repeat: Every mother snaps sometimes. I think it’s one of the reasons that we’re blessed with not remembering much from such early ages. All you can do at this point is give lots of hugs and kisses. He’ll be fine in the long run. Just remember not to expect so much from yourself next time…kids are surprisingly happy with the simplest of joys. {{Hugs}}

oana79 said...

Surprise, surprise, yes, I have, many times. And I don't even have a baby to exhaust me. It's part of being a mum and wanting everything to be perfect. Only we are not perfect, are we? Forgive yourself and move on.

Colleen said...

I'm so sorry his birthday celebration wasn't all you hoped it would be. I have certainly been snappy, especially when tired and frustrated and I always feel sorry too. Hoping you are feeling good and happy today!

Alison said...

Oh Barbara. I've been there. I think we as mothers, have all been there. We put too much pressure on ourselves to always be the kind of mother we think we should be. But we are only human, and yes, we snap. Children are incredibly resilient and forgiving. He will remember the good times more, because there are more of them. Forgive yourself.

doseofreality said...

More times than I can possibly count, which of course brings tears to my eyes. I promise you, though, like pinky promise that your sweet boy will not remember that moment, which doesn't mean you won't. :( I think being honest and admitting the hard moments will help you see that you are so not alone in this struggle.

Kim said...

First of all, he will be fine. I don't think it's a mistake as much as just plain old humanity. I've noticed with my kids that they forgive me so easily. I always try to talk to them after I've lost it. I explain to Deaglan periodically that Mommy gets frustrated just like everybody else and that getting upset and frustrated is normal but it's important to talk later, try to say sorry and hug. You are a wonderful Mother and they without a doubt know that.

Jamillah said...

I'm glad that you shared this story. I am not a mother but often times I see all of these super mommy's and I think to myself, "I can never be that or have that much patience." So I'm glad to see that some of you super mom's are only human. It wasn't a good moment but it was a real moment and your still a super mommy for even having the party. I still give you kudos.

The Anecdotal Baby said...

Hugs... I think it's so normal to have those "mommy snapping" moments. And he's young and resilient and won't ever remember. So glad he's OK and your heart will heal as you'll have plenty of memories to make that he will remember. And I can relate to the whole wanting to make celebrations spectacular, but I definitely think if it seems to turn out less than amazing for us, the kids can only see awesomeness, so don't be too hard on yourself ;)

MrsB said...

I have cracked more times than I want to count... It happens. Don't be too hard on yourself :)

Rach (DonutsMama) said...

I'm sorry about your night. I have days where I just get so upset too and I feel like I've been mean mommy or just mad all day. I always make it a point to apologize and ask D to forgive me. She then gives me the biggest hug and smile. Kids have a way of just letting it go. I think we're harder on ourselves than they are.

Tina said...

Awww...don't be too hard on yourself. We all have bad mommy moments. I've had more than I care to count...but kiddos are so forgiving. Hugs to you!

jeands said...

we've all been there, B and you are not alone on this. also, this incident doesn't make you a less perfect mother. just don't be too hard on yourself. i guess most of us mothers has done this one or two.

take care.

Susan said...

Oh sweetie, we've all been there. I lose it on my son all the time and I'm never proud of it. Being a mama is so hard some days.

Lacey Newman said...

I think we've all been there - and I like to hope that it hurts us way more than it does them.

Make up for it with extra hugs & kisses and try to learn from the experience.

We're all human and sometimes we "crack." It's okay!

Lacey @ And They Call Me Mommy

Emmy said...

Oh girl I have cracked just like this way too many times to count. I don't know how many times when they get hurt doing something I told them not too I say- well see if you had listened to me. When duh- by them getting hurt they learned they should have listened I don't need to be a jerk and reinforcing it. So yes- I have done it too way too many times.
So sorry he got burnt- but seriously don't beat yourself up. Kids are wonderfully forgiving.

Shell said...

Oh girl- I've cracked so many times and so much worse. None of us is perfect. xo

Mary @ A Teachable Mom said...

Yep, I've cracked every way possible and we're all still loving each other through it. I hope you can take in what everyone here is saying - let go and forgive yourself! A big hug to you!

Jen said...

Oh sweet Barbara...yes, we've ALL cracked, it's part of being a mama. But we live and learn and yes, it hurts, and unfortunately we'll all crack again. Our loved ones forgive us and that's the best part.
Hang in there, girl!!
xoxo

Robbie K said...

I've definitely cracked...more than a few times. Any mom who says she hasn't is lying. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

Tricia said...

Just like everyone else here, I have most definitely cracked. And it is awful the next morning when you still feel awful and they have forgotten and forgiven the whole thing. It happens. But children have beautiful, forgiving hearts - which is good as nobody is perfect.

Christy @ My Invisible Crown said...

I knew as soon as I finished reading this post that there would be a million comments. We have all been there and that's what most of them say. We also have this huge urge to be supportive when we hear another mother beating herself up a little. I'm not sure how many kids you have or their ages but speaking from too much experience, this will happen again. Again like they all said, you're only human. But I think it's important to also remember that it's good for our children to see us mess up a little sometimes. It shows THEM we are human and teaches them how to handle situations when they do the same thing. My family and I sit around when we get together at times and laugh at all the things that happened when we were little. You, too will talk to him one day about this and laugh over how upset you got but you'll have to tell HIM this story because he certainly has already forgotten.

Sara Prickett said...

Oh Barbara, I know how hard it can be as a mom when the event doesn't live up to expectation. I've definitely been there and all I can say is that the abundance of good memories that we create for/with our children will overshadow the "not so great" ones in the long run. {hugs}

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