Self-Righteous Mother

When Nathan was born I remember reading all of the books and being so "prepared".

I had my mind made up on an array of subjects:

     Pacifier use - absolutely not
     Co-sleeping - definitely not
     Swaddling - nope, my child needed to learn to soothe himself
     Sleep training- definitely, after 12 weeks

Not only did I have my very strong minded opinions, but I judged all of those other mothers who did things differently.

"What do you mean your baby doesn't sleep in his crib?"

"OMG look at the four year old with a pacifier!"

My judgements were endless.

Now, two months in to the newborn parenting thing again, I am no longer the same person.

     Pacifier use - Yes! If only to give me five minutes of free time before it ends up on the floor

     Sleeping in our room - yes, because who has the energy to walk to the nursery every two hours

     Bottle feeding- yes please. Especially if it means I can get out into the life of the living!

We all do what we can to survive and what is best for each child. I wish I could go back in time and slap myself.

I am no longer self-righteous and am kinder to myself and especially other mothers. We need all the help we can get!


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22 comments:

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

Oh how quickly our resolutions change ;-) All for a little peace and quiet!

Michelle said...

I think that as mothers we all do what we think is best for our children. I personally (for example) do not think that co-sleeping is healthy for the marriage bed. But I'm all about breastfeeding and cloth-diapering. Other moms may choose to co-sleep or to formula feed or use disposables and while I might think their decisions aren't the best, the truth of the matter is that their decisions aren't the best for me or for my family. I think it's good for us to have convictions about what is best...it's bad when we try to force those convictions on others. Like you said...we need all the help we can get!, not all the criticism!

Mark said...

I should make you call up all of those Mothers, that you looked down upon, and apologize to each and everyone.
They probably still think they suck.
Your Friend, m.

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

It is so true that we just don't get it until we live it.

The Mom Pledge said...

What a great post. And so true. Glad to connect with you through Shell. Would love to have you join our community:

http://themompledge.com

:) Elizabeth Flora Ross

Susan said...

It's funny how everything you thought you would do goes out the window when you have your own!
Ava uses a pacifier. Still drinks from a bottle. And comes into bed with me every morning.
I'm a sucker!

Colleen said...

Oh I do hear you, there were a lot of things I said I'd never do before having children. I think partly, we realize somewhere along the way that these things don't really matters, they're not big issues...whatever works for a bit of peace.;)

Adrienne said...

This really is a great post. And, from my experience, it's harder to put the non-judgemental thing into practice the older the kids get. The world they grow up in is so competitive...and, sadly, I think we tend to aggrevate that as parents rather than help them learn to navigate it with kindness, humility and self confidence. If you're like me, you'll find yourself needing a slap or two more over the years ;-)

Natalie said...

These kids are always teaching us lessons. I had a chance to talk to another future momma that was due in 10 weeks. I said you never know what you will do after you have that baby b/c every baby is different and has different needs. She said that was the best advice and that her whole plan is to keep an open mind about everything. I said that's a great idea b/c until you experience being a mother you have no idea what you'll do to have a happy baby. I try not to judge b/c I know that you never know how it is to walk in that mom's shoes!

Alex@LateEnough said...

Sometimes I think the reason I had a difficult sleeper is to sleep-deprive the self-righteous out of me. It worked. And is still working.

Shell said...

All of our kids are so very different and so are the circumstances, so unless it's something that affects my child, I try to reserve judgement!

Lynsey said...

I agree with Shell. Though I can't say I have never been judgmental, especially while childless. Funny how we judge things we have no personal experience with!!

Jessica said...

It's funny how we change our opinions after having kids. Definitely gives us a whole new perspective on life.

Kimberly said...

Kids have a way of changing our minds and opinions. Unless it's directly effecting my child, I try to reserve my judgements. Everyone is doing the best they can for their own situations.

cam - bibs and baubles said...

it happens and we've all been there. it's amazing how our views change once we're living it!

Emmy said...

We all had our lists-- and yep I think we all want to slap our old selves. That is why it drives me crazy when moms are so mean to each other-- we all have our own kids with their own personalities so we all do the best we can with who we are and who are kids are

Quiana said...

So true! While I believe it's great to have a plan I've learned that it's important to be flexible. Each mom's struggle is unique and different as each of her children are and we as a community of women must be more supportive and less judgmental of each other. We all simply want the best for our kids, right? And a happy mom makes for happy kids!

Kim said...

It's true...I changed so much when Naveen was born. It became about survival.

Adrienne said...

Haha. Oh man! Both of my boys sucked a pacifier until they were five. My youngest drank out of a sippy cup with a soft top (you know? a bottle!) until he was five. I know, SHAME! I just couldn't take the darn thing away from him. But, he gave them both up eventually.

momto8 said...

oh how true!!! I have 8 kids...i never point fingers at any mom any where any time any more!!! we are all trying to do the best we can and a little encouragement goes a long way...

Rach (DonutsMama) said...

Yes, this. Exactly. I was the same way. Eating my words but happier for it.

AudreyO said...

Wow...I could've written this post many years ago. My daughter did sleep in my bed as I just couldn't take the crying. I will admit, it was tough moving her to her own when the time came.

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