Feeling Grinch-y

There are very few words that can describe the love you feel for your child as a first time mother.  You wonder how your ever lived without that tiny little wonder in your life.

Everything is new and every smile or coo melts your entire heart.  You wonder how could you ever love anything as much as you love that tiny little baby.

This was me with our first son.  Every time I looked at him I swelled with pride and joy.  I loved watching him grow and learn new things.  His first words; his first steps...every milestone was properly recorded and embedded in my heart.

Then we found out we were pregnant with our second child, another boy.  I was ecstatic and then the doubt set in.

How am I ever going to love a second child as much as I love Nathan?  How could I possibly have all those feelings that I have now for Nathan?  Will I choose a favorite?

These worries plagued my pregnancy.  I couldn't help but wonder about how much our family, which seemed so perfect, would change so drastically.  Could I handle it?

I spent my entire pregnancy trying to enjoy all of the solo time I could with Nathan.  Making sure he knew that I loved him and that he was my entire heart.

Then Noah was born.  The moment I held him in my arms, I knew.   I finally understood what everyone had been telling me all along.  You don't stop loving one child less.  There is no competition.  Your heart literally grows and expands.  Not only do you make room for your new child but your love for your first child grows when you see him next to his brother- when you see the love that they will have for each other.

I wonder if this is how the Grinch felt when his heart grew?




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26 comments:

Di said...

I only have 1 right now but I'm sure my love will grow with another too! Congrats on your newest bundle!

Liz said...

What a sweet Christmas for you guys!

Kimberly said...

Awe so sweet :) I worry about that as well.

Karen Greenberg said...

Great post! I love how you compare motherhood to the Grinch. I can totally see that must be how the Grinch felt. The truth is there will be days when you choose a favorite. One boy will irritate you for the moment, and the other will be being a perfect angel. The next day the tables could turn completely. We never stop loving them just the same, though.

Shell said...

I remember being so worried about this, as well. But as soon as that second baby is born- we get it. :)

Shellsea said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. It is exactly how I feel. I just love holding Little C tight and couldn't imagine having to share my lap. So reassuring to hear your love for both and fears before.

Melissa Hall said...

That was beautiful Barbara. Thank you for sharing with us. Brought a sweet tear to my eye :)

Adrienne said...

So sweet! I had the same worries when I was pregnant with our second, but, just like you, the second he was born, I understood how God make our heart big enough for both. Congrats to your family! He's precious!!

Grumpy Grateful Mom said...

Perfectly said! It's amazing how that works! And I LOVE your sweet photo! Looks like they'll be great friends. :)

Happy Homemaker UK said...

Ahh, such a sweet photo!

Lourie said...

It's weird, but until you are there it doesn't seem possible. And the fact that the love is totally unconditional. WOnderful post and beautiful boys.

Emmy said...

Awe! Yep, you are right your heart does just grow. Wonderful post and a sweet picture

JDaniel4's Mom said...

I already knew you had a big heart!

The Anecdotal Baby said...

With only one right now, I often wonder the same. Beautiful family, gorgeous picture!

Nenette AM said...

The love isn't divided -- it's multiplied. :)

Johanson Family said...

I remember feeling this way when I was pregnant with my 2nd and then I had the same guilt when I was pregnant with my 3rd b/c I worried my 2nd would feel left out and then my 1st would not get any attention b/c I was so worried about my 2nd and of course had to give our new baby attention but it does all seem to work out and balance itself. Amazing how much love that can go around!! xoxo.

Mark said...

Congratulations, you're a real "Mom". Welcome to the club.
I reserve the right to revoke your membership at any time. So watch it!
m.

lori said...

oh my goodness, what a CUTE picture!!

Tamera Beardsley said...

Such a beautiful post my dear...brought back such memories of the same worries,,,amazing how they change in an instant!

Cam | Bibs and Baubles said...

Beautiful post. Can't wait to experience it myself one day. I look at my son all the time and think, "how could I love anyone else the way I love you?"

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

I worried about that same thing, but somehow it just works out. I'm so happy our hearts grow! :)

Jen said...

Well said...your love multiplies with more babies...not divides :) It is hard to understand until you have more than one, but it's true with each new addition.
love that picture!!

Natalie said...

Awww this is so sweet! What a joy both your boys are!

Susan said...

What a lovely post and oh, so true!
My croatian mother (bear with me here as it translates sort of loosely) always says that every finger hurts the same. Does that make sense? I'm sure it does in Romanian!! lol.

Kiddothings said...

What a lovely post! I remembered feeling like I didn't want to let go of being mom to only one. And I liked that you said the love grows with each child - that's so true! I hope you had a great CHristmas! :)

SisterSister said...

Great post. I remember those worries while expecting. Congrats on the extra special present Santa delivered this year.

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