Is acceptance the last stage of grief? If so, I think I have finally arrived.
I have come to accept the fact that I live in France and I have to come to terms with the decision that we took three years ago.
I have always thought of our situation as temporary and have never allowed myself to settle in, to make friends to enjoy this opportunity that we've been given.
I find myself always wishing for the things "back home", I fill my days longing about what I would do if I were back in the States. I find myself always comparing what I do here to how I would them back home. Always saying how much easier my life would be had we just stayed in South Carolina.
It isn't fair. It's not fair to my son or my husband and it isn't fair to me.
France is the only home my son has ever known - this language this culture and it's people are part of who he is. I hope and pray that he doesn't lose his American or Romanian identity, but I have to remind myself that France is also part of his identity.
Thanks to this experience he is learning and speaking 3 languages. He has visited over 8 countries and traveled more in his 2 years than more people travel in a lifetime.
I fought this life for so long, afraid of losing my identity, afraid of losing myself and my connection with anything familiar. I have finally realized that living here doesn't mean having to make a choice or sacrifice the person that I am.
And so, I have decided to accept the fact that I live here. To stop crying for the things I can't have here, the things I don't have and focus on what I do have.
I have no idea how much longer we will be in France. A few more months? A few more years? But as long as I am here I will embrace what is around me and be content in the life we are building as a family.