First day back to work
Those first few months of motherhood were hard. I was sleep deprived and lacked human interaction. I spent my days and nights only having a newborn to talk to planning my life around feeding and nap schedules. I would stare at the nice clothes in my closet while my frumpy girl in PJ's stared back at me in the mirror. I longed for the days that I would actually get dressed for a purpose. The days when I could throw on the cute heels and skirts. Those days when I would have adults to have actual conversations with. And then the 16 weeks were over and I had to face the reality that I was not just going back to work but that I was leaving my child behind.
I remember those first few days where I would just stare blankly at the computer. My mind and my heart where somewhere else. I remember all of the mini-breakdowns in the bathroom where all I wanted to do was "go home"; some days where harder than others.
I was lucky that Nathan had an amazing person taking care of him. It made the transition back much easier because I knew he was well taken care of.
Eventually I learned to deal with the fact that my going back to work was an evolution for both of us. In order to be a better mother I needed to work and Nathan has flourished because of it. He has been exposed to so much culture and life that I would have never been able to give him as a stay-at-home mother. He is exposed to other children, and he gets to live and play in a different culture and environment.
That isn't to say that there are still days when I wonder if it is all worth it. The days when I think that I could just give it all up and stay home. Then I see his face light up at school. The days I see what he has learned and know that this was the best decision for both of us.
Those first few weeks I don't think I could have seen the end of the tunnel. The day when the guilt would have subsided. The day when I could just be OK with being a working mom.
Submitted as part of Mama Kat's writing workshop.
Prompt 3: What were you blogging about last year at this time? What has changed?