Even though Nathan is 8 months old I haven't had very many "mommy moments". I wasn't one of these women who the second that my son popped out I instantly had this maternal instinct.
I was terrified. I had no clue what I was doing. I was exhausted and sleep deprived. I missed human and adult interactions.
I love my son and I love being a mom - don't get me wrong, but I didn't have this instant love or feeling of motherhood. It has been a process. A process of getting adjusted to the "new" me, but it wasn't until tonight that I truly felt a love of motherhood.
Nathan usually falls asleep right after his bath, but not tonight. He was crying and it was breaking my heart. We usually try to go in and soothe him but let him fall back asleep on his own but tonight there were actual tears. It was breaking my heart and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't just let him keep crying and stand by and do nothing and so I picked him up.
I sat down in the rocking chair which I haven't used since Nathan was about four months old. I held him in my arms and I began to rock him to sleep. He put his arms and head on my chest and after a few minutes he began closing his eyes and pretty soon he was out. I put him down in his crib and he has been sleeping ever since.
It wasn't until this moment that I truly felt like a mother. My son needed me and I was there. The day will come when he won't want hugs or kisses from me so I am so grateful to have a night like tonight where I can still hold him in my arms and kiss him.
I am so thankful for "mommy moments", a beautiful sleeping baby and for this new evolution into motherhood. I hope the journey only gets better from here on out.