Ignorance or poor maternal instinct

Lately we've been joking around that I have had the "express" pregnancy:  I didn't know I was pregnant until I was well into my second month and Nathan was born a month early, so technically my pregnancy only lasted 6 months.  While this is very funny to joke about, I have honestly been wondering if I am a terrible mother!

What kind of woman is so out of touch with her own body that she doesn't even realize she is pregnant until well into her second month?  What if I hadn't decided to buy the pregnancy test, which I swore was going to be negative?  How long would I have gone not knowing?  There are women that say they "just knew"the moment they were pregnant.  I would love to know how.  Is it some sort of internal monitoring system that simply says "knocked up"?  You just wake up one morning completely enlightened and you say to yourself, "I'm pregnant today".  Whatever this feeling or instinct is, it seems to have missed me.  I suppose it is like the check engine light in your car, and mine simply was out of service.

As if that is not bad enough, what kind of woman doesn't know they are in labor until they are 8 cm dilated?  If Cornel had not forced me to go to the hospital that night, I probably would have given birth to our son in our home, or if not en route to the hospital when the pain got too unbearable.  I truly do not know how I missed the first 7 centimeters without feeling a thing.  Is is that I was just too ignorant to realize what labor was?  I know my pain tolerance isn't very high, so it is not like I was just a trooper and put up with the pain.

I always used to hear those stories about the teenagers giving birth at prom because they didn't know they were in labor.  I never believed that someone could not know they were in labor and give birth in a bathroom.  It sounds completely absurd and unbelievable, and yet it happened to me.  I would have thought that I was much smarter than a teenager on prom night, but alas, I was wrong.

It seriously dumbfounds me that I am so completely out of touch with my body or at the very least have an incredibly poor maternal instinct.  I just hope that Nathan can forgive me for all the terrible things I did during the first two months of his "life" and for almost giving birth to him in our bathroom!  Luckily my dear husband has his head on straight, or this family would surely be in trouble!
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1 comment:

Kimberly said...

You ARE NOT a bad mother! Everyone's body is different and yours just chooses not to fill you in on what's going on :) Your lucky you didn't feel any pain for that long!

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